At puberty the sex hormones, oestrogen in girls and testosterone in boys, multiply in quantity. These hormones which have been growing gradually since childhood ‘arouse’ the person’s sex drive, so that his or her yearning for sexual pleasure enhances.
Your sexual drive is not your ability to have sexual relations but your want or longing for sex. It is determined mainly by the thoughts and feelings towards sexuality that you have acquired during your up-bringing. Your sexual viewpoints and attitudes are created by what you have learnt from your parents and other surrounding adults and their beliefs. In late childhood and in adolescence these attitudes may be swayed or pressured by the sexual standards of your peer-group from whom you ‘learn’ a good deal about sex. Some of this information is incorrect, some is not, but you form your sexual values from these examples and form your own experiences.
Women need less sex
In our sort of society, girls are thought to be more self-conscious about sex than boys. I think that is because girls and boys are given values about sex that are usually poles apart from each other. This gives me the idea to believe that in adolescence and when an adult, women are typically less sexual; they require and need sex less often than men, they ‘sexually’ take slower action, and they reach orgasm less quickly and less frequently than men. Because of this, many women consider that they have a lesser sex drive than men, which is actually not true.
Sex is not dirty
Biologically, a woman’s sex drive is no different from that of a man, but if her mother has educated her daughter, by example or by words, that sex is ‘dirty’ or that sex outside of marriage is ‘corrupt’. That the wife’s ‘task’ is to give in submissively to her husband’s sexual desires, rather than enjoying and taking pleasure from sex, her sexuality will highly likely be spoiled and slightly damaged. If a person is to reach his or her full potential for sexual pleasure I think the significance of insightful, educated sexual upbringing by well-versed parents and teachers is so important and will be clear in the end result.
Sex drive lessens with stress, tiredness and alcohol
The power of a person’s sexual drive is not only predisposed by their upbringing but I think it will also vary at different stages during their life. It is believed that it lessens in intensity as people age and grow older. This is actually a false myth and many people still manage to have a high sexual drive well into old age. A person’s sexual drive is swayed by many reasons. The stress at work, tiredness, severe pain, worring about work, a close death, too much alcohol or a malfunctioning relationship with one’s partner can lower the drive of men and women. Also, the demands of bringing up children can decrease sex drive for a woman.
Different sex drive from your partner?
There are many ways in which you may be able to solve the issue of having a different sexual drive than your partner. One of these is for you to share and talk about your feelings, so that your partner appreciates how you are actually feeling. If you can do this, your sexual relationship is likely to be improved, as both of you will appreciate and recognize that sex is something to be shared together and is a pleasurable activity enjoyed by both parties.
Unfortunately, because of the hang up’s about sex we obtain from our parents and others during our upbringing, many of us do not have a sexual relationship in which each partner is considered to have equal needs. Many people find it hard to talk honestly about their sexual wants and needs, so they do not find out what is right, sexually, for each person in the relationship. Your reluctance, or lack of ability, to talk openly with your partner about your sexual needs may be related to you not reaching out to each other during other emotional matters. If you have emotional barriers, sexual or other, your relationship may be imbalanced and perhaps fragile and frustrations can mount. Communication about everything is so important.
Women’s lack of ability to express their sexual needs
Women in society seem to be particularly influenced by the lack of ability to express sexual and other emotional needs, and the resulting frustrations can be detrimental to one’s wellbeing. The frustrations may be pressed into the woman’s unconscious mind and surface as depression, low energy /fatigue or touchiness, or they may be expressed by gynaecological disorders, such as lower abdomen pain, backache, increased vaginal discharge or changes in the size and length of menstruation.
It is interesting to consider the amount of sexual problems that are present because of work ethics or Western society in general. Your man will spend long hours dealing with his business/es, or working at his job. He may come home worn-out and frustrated and be expecting his wife to comfort him but to him, sex like work, has its place and special time. It may be secondary to work, and the time spent on establishing a warm, equally pleasurable, caring relationship is thought to be less important than the time spent at work, at sport or in a pub. Men tend to be not as sensitive as woman and he may need a little reminder for them to realise that his wife has also had a long, tiring, frustrating day. Men need sex for comfort and relief; but because of the whole double standard of sexuality he can usually only imagine sex as something to be induldged in, rather than something to be equally shared. In this type of situation the end result of the couple’s sexual problems will depend on their ability to give time to the pleasure aspect of their sexual relationship, and to know that both of them have sexual and emotional needs which they want to share with each other.
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Leave a comment
Everyone goes through it at some stage, leave a comment to let me know how you have delt with or are dealing with your sexual differences and desires and how you find it best to communicate with your partner about these issues.